Ch.6/ Allow whatever feelings arise
Birth is surprising and unexpected. It makes sense that your feelings would follow suit.
In birth (and parenthood in general), there can feel like there are a lot of expectations not only on what you’re supposed to be doing but also how you’re supposed to be feeling. Everyone talks about that amazing feeling of having your baby placed on your chest for the first time after an exhausting labor and feeling an explosion of love and joy that you’ve never experienced in your life.
And of course, some people feel this, but not everyone! And that’s okay and totally normal. No, really. You aren’t a bad parent if you don’t feel extremely positive about your new baby and it doesn’t mean that you’ll always feel this way.
Birth is life changing and most of society is so positive about birth that we oftentimes sweep the negative feelings surrounding becoming a parent under the rug. In actuality, giving birth is full of growth and loss.
You lose freedom when you give birth, forever you will be tied to this other human in ways that no one else in your life will ever be. You lose sleep! You may never sleep the same way again. Your brain is changed by birth to be hyper aware so you can wake up and tend to this person that needs you. You lose your old life. Becoming a parent means that you have to re-prioritize almost every aspect of your life and figure out how to move forward in this starkly new chapter.
So yeah, loss is involved in giving birth, too. It’s normal to feel upset or grieve those parts of your life that you will no longer have access to in the same way. The important thing to do is anticipate these changes and plan accordingly. How can you bring aspects of your current life with you into parenthood?
If you’ve never given birth before, a lot of this is going to feel very new to you. Prepare yourself by doing the work prenatally but also give yourself space to feel new things and react to them how you need to react.
Many clients of mine say that they want to try to give birth without an epidural but they’ll see how they feel in the moment. I think this is a beautiful philosophy to tap into not just in the birth but in postpartum and beyond, as well. You plan and prepare but you’re gentle with yourself and honor your feelings in the moment.
Please reach out if you’d like to chat about how a doula can help support you through the birth of your child and the birth of you as a parent.
